Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Procrastination
Have you ever felt like you need to purge emotionally? Often when I do it results in some incredible spiritual growth. While I never have enjoyed the physical unrest that precursors the purge, I'm thankful afterwards. I'm kinda in that mode right now. I'm not comfortable at all. I want to get on the phone with anyone who could distract me from the task at hand. I want to go outside and wash my car in the rain, I think I'm making my point. While I'd love to type all of it out here on this screen that feels like my friend, I know that they author of my journey is waiting for me to come and have some coffee with Him.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Two biggies in my life
Shooooooeeeey!!! I'm a pretty simple person. I love to hear people laugh and share the joys in their lives. I think since moving I've been shell shocked. Only now am I coming back around to who I am, and I have missed her so very much! ;) I dance randomly through my life...sometimes I have witnesses but usually it's just me and God.
One story my hubby often reminds me of from when we were dating is a time when he drove past the drive thru window and I was dancing. No music on or anything to speak of, just dancing to my own song. I think that sums me up pretty well. The best part of that short story is that it was a miserable place to work, but I had a blast there. It was fast food and I smelled like oil every day that I went home. But I went to work six days a week, usually for 10 hours a day and looked for joy. I looked for God to show up in the best ways. Birds taking a bath in a puddle made me feel alive, it was awesome. That foundation of finding joy in chaos made me feel unique as a person, kinda special. I love life and when I find people to share life with it's awesome.
What makes my soul sing today is knowing that God has been with me every moment of my life and that He always delivers big when I ask for help. When I reached a maddening breaking point after being at the fast food restaurant for eight years, he gave me a job running a coffeeshop. Ya wanna know how it happened? One of my assistant managers was dealing drugs in my men's room. Yep, talk about a bad work enviornment. When I caught wind of it, I let my area supervisor know and assumed she'd want me to terminate him. Makes sense, right? Only to a large company in this case. Because she had no replacement for me she let me make the decision. Ya know, keep him or let him go and return to working 80 hours a week. Of course I let him go, did I mention he was a friend of mine? It sucked. During this time I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, my joy was temporarily hazy. Suddenly I detested my job, an emotion I was very uncomfortable with. I had interviewed months earlier for an assistant managers position for a company I was working for part time, but had been told I was overqualified. I had been heartbroken, it was unlikely that the same company that said I was overqualified was going to give me a store since I was working one shift per week at that point. Regretfully I knew what was going to happen in the short term and I had to give up my part time job. I couldn't even make time to put in a four hour shift at my dream job... so sad. Anyway, I prayed. Praying isn't really what I was doing, it was more like begging God for a way out of my current situation. I quit my job and a couple days later I got a call to please come in for an exit interview. It was very relaxed and I talked about how regretful I was to leave the store. He (his name is Bob) called me a couple days later to set up another interview. I explained the only free time I had was at 7am. 7am. So because God was using this man (it's the only reason I can come up with, really) Bob set up our interview at 7am on a Friday morning. Not only was I hired as a Store Manager, but I was the only one he interviewed. I had the joy of working for that company for a total of eight years and experienced a lot of personal growth there. As well as a lot of joy. :) I was already a beliver and knew that God would help me, but it was the first of many times in my life when He directly answered a prayer for *me*. A prayer that I begged for when I was alone in my apartment and didn't have to have my game face on.
I've been in my new city for four months. I begged God for a change in my life back in February. I was having a hard time, but didn't want to admit it to anyone. Not even my husband. Like the time He pulled me out of the fast food restaurant, he removed me just as swiftly and cleanly from one life and inserted me into this one. In my new city, I've struggled with the adjustment but didn't see it. I assume it's to be expected, but truthfully, I didn't know I was struggling until recently. How did I finally see it? I danced in the street the other night and it struck me that I've not expressed that personal joy in months. I'm so glad to see me again!
His agape love leaves me breathless.
One story my hubby often reminds me of from when we were dating is a time when he drove past the drive thru window and I was dancing. No music on or anything to speak of, just dancing to my own song. I think that sums me up pretty well. The best part of that short story is that it was a miserable place to work, but I had a blast there. It was fast food and I smelled like oil every day that I went home. But I went to work six days a week, usually for 10 hours a day and looked for joy. I looked for God to show up in the best ways. Birds taking a bath in a puddle made me feel alive, it was awesome. That foundation of finding joy in chaos made me feel unique as a person, kinda special. I love life and when I find people to share life with it's awesome.
What makes my soul sing today is knowing that God has been with me every moment of my life and that He always delivers big when I ask for help. When I reached a maddening breaking point after being at the fast food restaurant for eight years, he gave me a job running a coffeeshop. Ya wanna know how it happened? One of my assistant managers was dealing drugs in my men's room. Yep, talk about a bad work enviornment. When I caught wind of it, I let my area supervisor know and assumed she'd want me to terminate him. Makes sense, right? Only to a large company in this case. Because she had no replacement for me she let me make the decision. Ya know, keep him or let him go and return to working 80 hours a week. Of course I let him go, did I mention he was a friend of mine? It sucked. During this time I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, my joy was temporarily hazy. Suddenly I detested my job, an emotion I was very uncomfortable with. I had interviewed months earlier for an assistant managers position for a company I was working for part time, but had been told I was overqualified. I had been heartbroken, it was unlikely that the same company that said I was overqualified was going to give me a store since I was working one shift per week at that point. Regretfully I knew what was going to happen in the short term and I had to give up my part time job. I couldn't even make time to put in a four hour shift at my dream job... so sad. Anyway, I prayed. Praying isn't really what I was doing, it was more like begging God for a way out of my current situation. I quit my job and a couple days later I got a call to please come in for an exit interview. It was very relaxed and I talked about how regretful I was to leave the store. He (his name is Bob) called me a couple days later to set up another interview. I explained the only free time I had was at 7am. 7am. So because God was using this man (it's the only reason I can come up with, really) Bob set up our interview at 7am on a Friday morning. Not only was I hired as a Store Manager, but I was the only one he interviewed. I had the joy of working for that company for a total of eight years and experienced a lot of personal growth there. As well as a lot of joy. :) I was already a beliver and knew that God would help me, but it was the first of many times in my life when He directly answered a prayer for *me*. A prayer that I begged for when I was alone in my apartment and didn't have to have my game face on.
I've been in my new city for four months. I begged God for a change in my life back in February. I was having a hard time, but didn't want to admit it to anyone. Not even my husband. Like the time He pulled me out of the fast food restaurant, he removed me just as swiftly and cleanly from one life and inserted me into this one. In my new city, I've struggled with the adjustment but didn't see it. I assume it's to be expected, but truthfully, I didn't know I was struggling until recently. How did I finally see it? I danced in the street the other night and it struck me that I've not expressed that personal joy in months. I'm so glad to see me again!
His agape love leaves me breathless.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
God's Way
I have had the priveledge and honor of seeing God move in ways I didn't agree with and have been blessed to watch him build beauty from ashes. It's changed the way I pray and my relationship with God.
My father passed away suddenly when I was 20 years old. I was then ditched by my high school sweetheart of 6 years a couple months later. I recall that time as being heart wrenching. I knew in my soul that God was going to work it out for my good, I had that strong a faith. But it hurt.
When I was 25 years old a cherished girlfriend of mine who was 28 passed away. She left behind a loved husband, and three very young children. It never entered my realm of possibility that she would die from ovarian cancer. It was discovered when she was pregnant with her third child. She and I had a strong friendship when I was a teenager and in many ways she guided me into adulthood. She got married and was blessed with a very busy family and I wasn't there, yet. Her priorities changed and I wasn't one of them anymore. I didn't understand the life change that children are and I felt rejected and hurt. I wish I'd handled it better, but I was young and very self absorbed. When she passed away it was awful. Awwwwful. I was in Las Vegas with my soon to be husband. God revealed to me the moment she was passing by placing a memory based slide show before my eyes of she and I. Everything from when I met her (she scared me) to my good bye with her at her home before I left for the airport. I was so very humbled that He knew my love for her that He allowed me to know she was with Him. It still hurt.
Had my father not passed away, my life would be drastically different. I was on a different path and his passing changed it for the better. I came to rely on Christ as my real father and the love of my life and soul. He became real to me, not just God that I'd always admired. The former boyfriend it turned out wasn't my life afterall, with time healing and forgiveness happened. The girlfriend passing was tougher. She had children and I couldn't see how taking her was going to be used for His will and purpose. I was grieving. Here we are nearly ten years later and I can say God's ways are better than ours. Jeremiah would be proud. Her widower has remarried and been blessed with a wife and they have two more children together. Their family blesses mine daily...especially because his wife has become a very dear friend to me.
How has it changed my prayer life? I can say with ease that when I pray for people, it's for God's will to be done and for us to learn whatever we are supposed to learn quickly during the situation. God is always God and I'm grateful that He is mine. Is He yours? He can be.
My father passed away suddenly when I was 20 years old. I was then ditched by my high school sweetheart of 6 years a couple months later. I recall that time as being heart wrenching. I knew in my soul that God was going to work it out for my good, I had that strong a faith. But it hurt.
When I was 25 years old a cherished girlfriend of mine who was 28 passed away. She left behind a loved husband, and three very young children. It never entered my realm of possibility that she would die from ovarian cancer. It was discovered when she was pregnant with her third child. She and I had a strong friendship when I was a teenager and in many ways she guided me into adulthood. She got married and was blessed with a very busy family and I wasn't there, yet. Her priorities changed and I wasn't one of them anymore. I didn't understand the life change that children are and I felt rejected and hurt. I wish I'd handled it better, but I was young and very self absorbed. When she passed away it was awful. Awwwwful. I was in Las Vegas with my soon to be husband. God revealed to me the moment she was passing by placing a memory based slide show before my eyes of she and I. Everything from when I met her (she scared me) to my good bye with her at her home before I left for the airport. I was so very humbled that He knew my love for her that He allowed me to know she was with Him. It still hurt.
Had my father not passed away, my life would be drastically different. I was on a different path and his passing changed it for the better. I came to rely on Christ as my real father and the love of my life and soul. He became real to me, not just God that I'd always admired. The former boyfriend it turned out wasn't my life afterall, with time healing and forgiveness happened. The girlfriend passing was tougher. She had children and I couldn't see how taking her was going to be used for His will and purpose. I was grieving. Here we are nearly ten years later and I can say God's ways are better than ours. Jeremiah would be proud. Her widower has remarried and been blessed with a wife and they have two more children together. Their family blesses mine daily...especially because his wife has become a very dear friend to me.
How has it changed my prayer life? I can say with ease that when I pray for people, it's for God's will to be done and for us to learn whatever we are supposed to learn quickly during the situation. God is always God and I'm grateful that He is mine. Is He yours? He can be.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Spiritual Healing
"If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.” Exodus 18:23
I'm very grateful and thankful to my Father. Yesterday I was struggling with my Lord, in the afternoon I surrendered and in the evening I was cleansed. He works that quickly when I surrender to him. The greatest part to me is that in the healing and cleansing of one relationship, it will affect many in my journey.
I'm very grateful and thankful to my Father. Yesterday I was struggling with my Lord, in the afternoon I surrendered and in the evening I was cleansed. He works that quickly when I surrender to him. The greatest part to me is that in the healing and cleansing of one relationship, it will affect many in my journey.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Surrendering
I'm jamming to the song 'I Can't Do This' by Plumb this morning. I am in the midst of a really uncomfortable season in my journey with God. He's doing a work He's probably wanted to do for a very long time. Have you had a work so intimate with your Creator that only He can do it? I don't even know if I can actively participate. I feel like I'm entering a period so personal only He is allowed to experience it with me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)