Was that necessary?

My feelings were hurt!  God warned me early Friday morning that I was about to get my feelings hurt and Steve was going to be the one to console me.  I couldn't sleep, it was awful.  So I asked God if He would prevent it from happening and there was silence on the other end of the conversation. I decided that all day Friday I would mind my own business and stay indoors, even avoiding the grocery store.  Not that big a deal, it was 22* outside and I wasn't feeling the vibe to play outside.  I thought if God wasn't going to stop it from happening I was going to not participate.  It sounded logical to me, though I know that that's not how things really work out.  Well, fast forward a couple days and it happened.  And it really did hurt!  I figure that it had to be a doozy if God was warning me in advance.  And, it was Steve who helped me to have some perspective and to be kind to this person in the coming days.  Here I sit now two hours after said incident and am much calmer.  I think that's just God, Steve can't get all the credit for that one. ;) But those incidents of vulnerability do stregthen my relationship with my husband.  God is pretty creative.  I'm sure there will be many more learnings in the coming days that I'll carry around with me and further carve my testimony with the Holy Spirit.  Tonight I'm going to rest in the knowledge that my Lord really, really loves me.  I dare say he adores me enough to let me get hurt and rebound into His loving spirit.  So was it necessary?  I guess so.  And maybe tomorrow I'll be grateful that it happened.

That was a big pothole.

My goal with this blog has been to be honest about my walk with God.  So that would cover the great things about my walk with God and the struggles or mishaps.  This post has been in the making for about four days.  Four wild and crazy days! ;) Psalm 42:5 reads 'Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.'  That scripture came to me on Monday evening.  I was a mess, but didn't want to talk to God about it.  I just wanted to feel sorry for myself for a little while.  As I kept reading in Psalms I read chapters 42 and 43.  I love Chapter 42 especially, it has special history between God and I.  So it's my run to when I'm hurting.  As I read I saw in Psalm 43:5, 'Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will praise him, my Savior and my God'.  Still, I didn't get it.  I was reading kinda numb.  Well, this is why: 

God gifted a home to us to rent for one year.  The housing is paid for and everything.  I tend to forget at times that God gave this home to us, how we found it and everything.  It was like it had a blinking neon sign over it that said 'Lettie!! Steve!!  LOOK HERE!!'.  I have a comical relationship with God, so often I see him as very funny and charming. We are midway through our year of free housing and I'm hankering for a home to own.  I can't explain it, I just have really, really wanted to own a home since we got here.  Perhaps I feel like it will plant roots for us that we can't plant while renting?  I'm not sure, it's just a personal thing right now.  I adore our neighborhood.  Again, it was selected for us by God.  So this house across the street from us went on the market, literally, two weeks after we moved in.  Ugg.  It's been tempting me everytime I pass by, which is a few times a day at least.  And we all know that that isn't God's style. To tempt us, so guess whose handy work that has been.  I'm embarrassed to say that Satan has played me like a fiddle.  But God had the victory so it's in the process of becoming another piece of my testimony for Jesus.  (Can you see me sticking out my tongue? ;) God revealed to me at least five months ago that that isn't the home for us.  He flat out said 'there will be another'.  I could beat myself up for this trial for a long time, but let me keep moving.  We found out this week that we could in fact purchase another home (we still own one in our home state).  Imagine our joy!  This was the time!  Except God didn't give me peace about it, still I kept moving forward.  God told me not to see the house, and I made an appointment to walk through it.  Again.  I talked to a mortgage broker and gave specifics and got our approx monthly payment and sent all the details to my hubby.  I was so excited because we could afford it!  This house is not too large, not too small with an unfinished basement.  I mean I was already shopping through my Pottery Barn catalog.  Now God was just being quiet.  Can you imagine Him just observing me?  My spirit was stressed all day yesterday, no peace whatsoever, but I attributed it to the excitement and anticipation of putting in an offer.  Not the obvious.  My husband comes home and after dinner we are talking about the house across the street.  He says 'I want to put an offer on the house, but after praying about it today I don't think it's in our best interest.  We need to stay where we are and continue to save money until the right house comes to us.  And, I have peace about this.' I about died.  I was so embarrassed, not because my husband had told me no, I was trying to strong arm God and I got caught.  If I am continuing to be honest with you, I'll tell you that I'm not surprised I got caught or stopped.  That's how much my God loves me.  Enough to tell me no. 

Today I'm very thankful for a praying husband and a God who is my God.  I learned yesterday not to ignore Him.  He doesn't like it, and He's going to have His way anyway.  I love Him so much and am grateful for the walk I have with him.  Potholes and all.