God's Way

I have had the priveledge and honor of seeing God move in ways I didn't agree with and have been blessed to watch him build beauty from ashes.  It's changed the way I pray and my relationship with God. 

My father passed away suddenly when I was 20 years old.  I was then ditched by my high school sweetheart of 6 years a couple months later.  I recall that time as being heart wrenching.  I knew in my soul that God was going to work it out for my good, I had that strong a faith.  But it hurt.

When I was 25 years old a cherished girlfriend of mine who was 28 passed away.  She left behind a loved husband, and three very young children.  It never entered my realm of possibility that she would die from ovarian cancer.  It was discovered when she was pregnant with her third child. She and I had a strong friendship when I was a teenager and in many ways she guided me into adulthood.  She got married and was blessed with a very busy family and I wasn't there, yet.  Her priorities changed and I wasn't one of them anymore. I didn't understand the life change that children are and I felt rejected and hurt.  I wish I'd handled it better, but I was young and very self absorbed.  When she passed away it was awful.  Awwwwful.  I was in Las Vegas with my soon to be husband.  God revealed to me the moment she was passing by placing a memory based slide show before my eyes of she and I.  Everything from when I met her (she scared me) to my good bye with her at her home before I left for the airport.  I was so very humbled that He knew my love for her that He allowed me to know she was with Him.  It still hurt. 

Had my father not passed away, my life would be drastically different.  I was on a different path and his passing changed it for the better.  I came to rely on Christ as my real father and the love of my life and soul.  He became real to me, not just God that I'd always admired.  The former boyfriend it turned out wasn't my life afterall, with time healing and forgiveness happened. The girlfriend passing was tougher.  She had children and I couldn't see how taking her was going to be used for His will and purpose.  I was grieving.  Here we are nearly ten years later and I can say God's ways are better than ours.  Jeremiah would be proud.  Her widower has remarried and been blessed with a wife and they have two more children together.  Their family blesses mine daily...especially because his wife has become a very dear friend to me. 

How has it changed my prayer life?  I can say with ease that when I pray for people, it's for God's will to be done and for us to learn whatever we are supposed to learn quickly during the situation.  God is always God and I'm grateful that He is mine.  Is He yours?  He can be.

Spiritual Healing

"If you follow this advice, and if God commands you to do so, then you will be able to endure the pressures, and all these people will go home in peace.” Exodus 18:23

I'm very grateful and thankful to my Father.  Yesterday I was struggling with my Lord, in the afternoon I surrendered and in the evening I was cleansed.  He works that quickly when I surrender to him.  The greatest part to me is that in the healing and cleansing of one relationship, it will affect many in my journey.

Surrendering

I'm jamming to the song 'I Can't Do This' by Plumb this morning. I am in the midst of a really uncomfortable season in my journey with God.  He's doing a work He's probably wanted to do for a very long time.  Have you had a work so intimate with your Creator that only He can do it?  I don't even know if I can actively participate.  I feel like I'm entering a period so personal only He is allowed to experience it with me. 

My Listening Ears

When I became pregnant with my firstborn, my mother told me I'd grow with my children. She made it sound very exciting. While I knew she didn't mean in age, I didn't truly understand the meaning of her wisdom until Bridget had her feelings hurt the first time.

Yesterday afternoon I was getting the children settled in for homework time when I saw this note from her teacher: 'Some difficulty following directions. We will continue to focus on this skill.'. I knew exactly what had happened as I looked over the worksheet in question. My girl had presumed to know the work ahead and began working before listening for her teacher's guidance. Though she was done first (she was proud of this) she had to do it over again because it was incorrect. Of course the next worksheet I see says 'Much better!', it was the same sheet with a do over and she'd followed the directions given.

I can/could see my relationship with God very clearly in Bridget's correction yesterday. It easily is something I can experience with God on a daily basis if I'm not listening and waiting on Him. So many times in my life I've assumed I was helping God out when of course, I was getting in His way. But gently He's given me many chances to do it over and get it right the next time. Each time is easier for me to forgive myself, of course there's the human factor, but I know that my God loves me so much that He's willing to be patient with me and correct me as many times as necessary until we get that piece of me corrected/clean.

I now know that I had no idea what my mom meant when she said 'You'll get to grow with your children'. I'm grateful for my experiences. I don't know if I'll be able to articulate to my children the opportunities for growth they give me daily, but I pray they see that our God is one who loves us so much that He won't have us stay the way we are. All we need are ears to hear him and a heart that trusts Him.

Sharing My Heart

Have you heard the song 'Our God Is Love' by Hillsong Live? It is most fabulous!! I first heard this song in church a couple weeks ago, it rocks. I believe it should be appreciated very loudly and while dancing. That's pretty much me and my personality riiiight there.

My hubby and I had date night last night and I love his company, he is easily my most favorite human. I'm very thankful to God for him. It's funny that we aren't tourists here, that's going to take some time to get used to. This is home!! =) We had dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe and I got to share my most favorite book store in the world with him... the Powerplant Barnes and Noble. I felt like I was sharing more of myself with him, after 12 years together there is still so much to explore. Before children I worked for a company that would send us to Baltimore every October. I had many treasured memories here and always wanted to share it with Steve. I'm always aware of the unspoken prayers of my heart and that they too get answered. I'm so in love with God, He shows me daily how well He knows me.

I had a very sweet experience last night. When we moved here, one of the first things on my agenda (besides finding my hair straightener) was to hire a babysitter. We found one that my children *adore*. She is very good to them and also balances out the snacks and doesn't turn on the TV. But I didn't know her faith and I didn't ask. My son has an ability to discern people's spirits very quickly. I want to be more like him, I get hung up on words and appearances too often. He warmed up to her immediately, and while I was hesitant I figured I'd see where this went. Up to last night we didn't discuss Jesus, I got the feeling that she was putting some space between us and it was a boundary not to cross, so I didn't. But. Don't you love God??? When she was leaving last night she said 'Oh by the way, Zachary asked me to say his prayers with him...?' It was more a question and I was touched by the sleeping child upstairs. That request by him led to a great discussion between she and I about God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. She loves God, but has many, many questions and while she knows He hears her, she doesn't think He talks back. We talked in my driveway last night for over an hour and my heart was soaring with love this sweet young lady. As gently as possible I was encouraging her to talk to God and give Him all of her questions and listen for Him. I'm so very excited for her!!! She has the opportunity to have a *great* walk with her creator if she wants one. I'm praying with joy for her!

Gratitude

The song of my heart at this time is 'Revelation Song' by Philips, Craig and Dean 'You are my everything and I will adore you.' We moved to Severna Park, Maryland in June. I don't know if I'd normally put the city, but this place is a bubble! Since it was our first time moving, I have no idea if they all go that quickly and smoothly, but ours was incredible! It was so quick that the movers were at our home before we were on that overcast June day. Rain was threatening and I learned that day that if rain starts, they don't stop working. I prayed for an umbrella over our home while all was being unloaded, and you know what? Of course you do!, it didn't begin to rain until they were loading all the pads, dolleys and ramps back on the truck. While the guys were unloading our belongings into our new home, nearly every woman on the street came to introduce themselves to us. And many of the children, too. I have a great respect for the families here. We live at the end of a court and it's our playground. We do something like 'community parenting' if that's a term. If not, I'm creating it. ;)

I love it here. Often I ask God if we may stay. Though I struggle with even posing that request to Him since I would never have asked to move here in the first place. This has been another example in my life of God knowing what's best for us. I feel like He has provided for us in a way that I can only describe as a blessing. And I would like a bigger term like 'Ginormous Gift'. We had no idea what was waiting for us up here, now I know that it was peace. A peace that I didn't have before and truly I didn't know it existed like this.

We have found a church home (!!) and I recently joined a women's bible study. After attending the first one I knew that was the piece that was missing for me. Being in fellowship with like minded believers for me is nothing short of joy!! I love hearing about what God is doing, how He is moving, correcting and healing His children. He's been really busy with me this summer and fall. How He is able to work on all of us at the same time, how we are able to pray at one time even in different languages, is part of the omnipresence that I'm grateful for.

Arise with the morning

Do you have a favorite song? I go through seasons with songs, but I am aware that they always speak to my soul in whatever I'm going through. Right now the song of choice in our house is 'Arise' by Chris Sligh. 'Perfect remedy for all that tears at me', I'm so there right now. When talking about moving out of state, it's emotional. My hubby and I are excited and nervous in the same sentences. But our moving impacts more than just our wee family of four. We have our family roots here, and I'm talking generations of them on both sides. Both of us have families that are near and dear to us, it's one of the things we both liked in each other when we were dating. Then there are the friendships. I have a girlfriend who has become a spiritual sister in Christ to me. When our daughters were born five years ago we became inseparable. But then in a way only God can move, we became partners for growth in Christ. It's been quite the ride. I've always been aware the depth of our relationship has been for a season, but only God knows how often I've prayed that our season would last for many years. So while I don't know how much longer I'll be in Virginia, I'm treasuring every moment that I can conveniently hang out with my extended family.