We've been in our new home for a wee over a month and I am completely smitten with her. God has given my husband and I what we have individually and jointly wanted in a home ever since the 'dream house' discussions began when we were dating. Little things like a front porch and bigger things like full size double hung windows in the unfinished basement. It's just dreamy.
Before moving into our new abode, God was working with me on letting me know this house was meant for us. Just trusting Him that all was well and this path was laid out for us by Him. It was awwwesome. The only ease I can aliken it to is that peace I had when we were relocating from Virginia to Maryland. I knew He was in it and guiding us the whole way. More recently, He's showing me that I've had anxiety for years. I didn't know it, never saw it in action. Of course now that He's opened my eyes to it, I see it all the time. I feel it rise up and I see how I've always 'handled' it. Most alarming is that it's like the controlling spirit's nasty sidekick. He's let me know that while He revealed the controlling spirit to me years ago, now we get to work it out. It's really awkward. At times I find myself at a loss of how to behave. How does the Holy Spirit want to guide this child? And then can I surrender to my creator in that instant, not just in hindsight? My flesh is such a mess. These spirits that I didn't know I was hosting have been running the show and only with God can I be so transparent to let Him have His way through me. Okay, so all that is heavy, right? At least I feel like it is. The good news is that God loves this family line so much that He wants it cleaned up. One ugly, thick vine at a time. I always want a quick and easy (often pretty) ribbon to break and voila!, that's it, next! But that's not God. For as many generations as it's taken to have this massive root/spirit to feel like it's entitled to stay, it's going to take that many more baby steps on my part to walk with God and let Him do His thing. His work that He's started He will finish, my only role is to surrender. I'm so thankful that He loves us that much. Most awesome is that prayerfully my children, His children will not walk around with this spirit in them.
I pray that you who are reading this post can get on your knees and ask God to rid you of what hinders you from going deeper with Him. Bring on the deliverance!! Wooooo Hoooooo!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Forever in the palm of His mighty hand
How can I accurately describe my love for my Lord and Savior? I haven't the words. I've wondered how Abraham really talked to him. Did Abraham profess his love and devotion to his God daily? Even when he was waiting for the promise of Isaac to be fulfilled? I've been through a lot in the last year, but all of it has been dreamy only because of my need to rely on God. And I have had to. Only he knows me so well that at times I don't need to communicate my frustrations or overwhelming joy to him. Gosh, I pray that there are lovers of Christ all over the world who experience this intimacy with God. He has blessed me in ways I can't understand. All I can figure is that he knows how much I adore him. Back in January I was stressed over finding a home. I felt like God had given us a most treasured tent but my prayer was that we would have a more permanent home in our new surroundings. I adore the place where God has brought us and I was prayerful that he would see fit to allow us to purchase a home. He'd given me a bit of a heads up last summer that we would find a home, but I had nothing to go on besides that tidbit of information. I could make a lovely testimony about the path to our new home long and rich with details, but I will try to stay brief. God led us to a home that is so fitting for our family. I'm giddy and so eager to begin this new journey in our walk with God. SO excited with anticipation. I've not felt this way since being pregnant with my children. We go to settlement on Tuesday (two days from now) and I'll be sure to update you from our new address. If you don't hear from me in a while, just look or listen for me. I'll be the chic dancing and singing from the mountaintops about God's blessings.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Was that necessary?
My feelings were hurt! God warned me early Friday morning that I was about to get my feelings hurt and Steve was going to be the one to console me. I couldn't sleep, it was awful. So I asked God if He would prevent it from happening and there was silence on the other end of the conversation. I decided that all day Friday I would mind my own business and stay indoors, even avoiding the grocery store. Not that big a deal, it was 22* outside and I wasn't feeling the vibe to play outside. I thought if God wasn't going to stop it from happening I was going to not participate. It sounded logical to me, though I know that that's not how things really work out. Well, fast forward a couple days and it happened. And it really did hurt! I figure that it had to be a doozy if God was warning me in advance. And, it was Steve who helped me to have some perspective and to be kind to this person in the coming days. Here I sit now two hours after said incident and am much calmer. I think that's just God, Steve can't get all the credit for that one. ;) But those incidents of vulnerability do stregthen my relationship with my husband. God is pretty creative. I'm sure there will be many more learnings in the coming days that I'll carry around with me and further carve my testimony with the Holy Spirit. Tonight I'm going to rest in the knowledge that my Lord really, really loves me. I dare say he adores me enough to let me get hurt and rebound into His loving spirit. So was it necessary? I guess so. And maybe tomorrow I'll be grateful that it happened.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
That was a big pothole.
My goal with this blog has been to be honest about my walk with God. So that would cover the great things about my walk with God and the struggles or mishaps. This post has been in the making for about four days. Four wild and crazy days! ;) Psalm 42:5 reads 'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.' That scripture came to me on Monday evening. I was a mess, but didn't want to talk to God about it. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself for a little while. As I kept reading in Psalms I read chapters 42 and 43. I love Chapter 42 especially, it has special history between God and I. So it's my run to when I'm hurting. As I read I saw in Psalm 43:5, 'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will praise him, my Savior and my God'. Still, I didn't get it. I was reading kinda numb. Well, this is why:
God gifted a home to us to rent for one year. The housing is paid for and everything. I tend to forget at times that God gave this home to us, how we found it and everything. It was like it had a blinking neon sign over it that said 'Lettie!! Steve!! LOOK HERE!!'. I have a comical relationship with God, so often I see him as very funny and charming. We are midway through our year of free housing and I'm hankering for a home to own. I can't explain it, I just have really, really wanted to own a home since we got here. Perhaps I feel like it will plant roots for us that we can't plant while renting? I'm not sure, it's just a personal thing right now. I adore our neighborhood. Again, it was selected for us by God. So this house across the street from us went on the market, literally, two weeks after we moved in. Ugg. It's been tempting me everytime I pass by, which is a few times a day at least. And we all know that that isn't God's style. To tempt us, so guess whose handy work that has been. I'm embarrassed to say that Satan has played me like a fiddle. But God had the victory so it's in the process of becoming another piece of my testimony for Jesus. (Can you see me sticking out my tongue? ;) God revealed to me at least five months ago that that isn't the home for us. He flat out said 'there will be another'. I could beat myself up for this trial for a long time, but let me keep moving. We found out this week that we could in fact purchase another home (we still own one in our home state). Imagine our joy! This was the time! Except God didn't give me peace about it, still I kept moving forward. God told me not to see the house, and I made an appointment to walk through it. Again. I talked to a mortgage broker and gave specifics and got our approx monthly payment and sent all the details to my hubby. I was so excited because we could afford it! This house is not too large, not too small with an unfinished basement. I mean I was already shopping through my Pottery Barn catalog. Now God was just being quiet. Can you imagine Him just observing me? My spirit was stressed all day yesterday, no peace whatsoever, but I attributed it to the excitement and anticipation of putting in an offer. Not the obvious. My husband comes home and after dinner we are talking about the house across the street. He says 'I want to put an offer on the house, but after praying about it today I don't think it's in our best interest. We need to stay where we are and continue to save money until the right house comes to us. And, I have peace about this.' I about died. I was so embarrassed, not because my husband had told me no, I was trying to strong arm God and I got caught. If I am continuing to be honest with you, I'll tell you that I'm not surprised I got caught or stopped. That's how much my God loves me. Enough to tell me no.
Today I'm very thankful for a praying husband and a God who is my God. I learned yesterday not to ignore Him. He doesn't like it, and He's going to have His way anyway. I love Him so much and am grateful for the walk I have with him. Potholes and all.
God gifted a home to us to rent for one year. The housing is paid for and everything. I tend to forget at times that God gave this home to us, how we found it and everything. It was like it had a blinking neon sign over it that said 'Lettie!! Steve!! LOOK HERE!!'. I have a comical relationship with God, so often I see him as very funny and charming. We are midway through our year of free housing and I'm hankering for a home to own. I can't explain it, I just have really, really wanted to own a home since we got here. Perhaps I feel like it will plant roots for us that we can't plant while renting? I'm not sure, it's just a personal thing right now. I adore our neighborhood. Again, it was selected for us by God. So this house across the street from us went on the market, literally, two weeks after we moved in. Ugg. It's been tempting me everytime I pass by, which is a few times a day at least. And we all know that that isn't God's style. To tempt us, so guess whose handy work that has been. I'm embarrassed to say that Satan has played me like a fiddle. But God had the victory so it's in the process of becoming another piece of my testimony for Jesus. (Can you see me sticking out my tongue? ;) God revealed to me at least five months ago that that isn't the home for us. He flat out said 'there will be another'. I could beat myself up for this trial for a long time, but let me keep moving. We found out this week that we could in fact purchase another home (we still own one in our home state). Imagine our joy! This was the time! Except God didn't give me peace about it, still I kept moving forward. God told me not to see the house, and I made an appointment to walk through it. Again. I talked to a mortgage broker and gave specifics and got our approx monthly payment and sent all the details to my hubby. I was so excited because we could afford it! This house is not too large, not too small with an unfinished basement. I mean I was already shopping through my Pottery Barn catalog. Now God was just being quiet. Can you imagine Him just observing me? My spirit was stressed all day yesterday, no peace whatsoever, but I attributed it to the excitement and anticipation of putting in an offer. Not the obvious. My husband comes home and after dinner we are talking about the house across the street. He says 'I want to put an offer on the house, but after praying about it today I don't think it's in our best interest. We need to stay where we are and continue to save money until the right house comes to us. And, I have peace about this.' I about died. I was so embarrassed, not because my husband had told me no, I was trying to strong arm God and I got caught. If I am continuing to be honest with you, I'll tell you that I'm not surprised I got caught or stopped. That's how much my God loves me. Enough to tell me no.
Today I'm very thankful for a praying husband and a God who is my God. I learned yesterday not to ignore Him. He doesn't like it, and He's going to have His way anyway. I love Him so much and am grateful for the walk I have with him. Potholes and all.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Christmas came early
When I was a little Lettie, my family would often have people knock on the doors in the neighborhoods trying to witness to people. I just didn't get that at the time, they were usually Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses. All I did know for sure was that we weren't to talk to them but to avoid them at all costs. This was never the case with Catholics (I was Lutheran when I was tiny and then an Assembly of God girl beginning in 3rd grade) or Methodists. I've always wondered why that was the case. What I suspect is that my parents were raised in a time when differences in people weren't celebrated, but feared. I on the other hand have an incredible curiousity about people who are different than myself. Everything from cultural celebrations to spiritual beliefs.
I've not always been the person who wanted to invite the door knockers inside of my home. At one point in my early 20's I would say 'I'm a born again Christian, okay?' Obviously I wasn't very inviting and they'd leave politely. Then something happened. I was at church one day and overheard a man telling about all he'd learned about different faiths just by asking respectful questions. I had a 'why didn't I think of that??' kind of moment and I changed. Pretty incredible, but if you know me in person it would probably make sense. So shortly after I chatted with God about this change in heart I was blessed by two young Mormon guys who came to my door one day. I was so excited I couldn't stand to wait for them to knock!! I waited on the porch for them to walk up and we talked. It was an awesome conversation where I learned the differences in our faith/walks. When they left we said we'd pray for each other. Respectfully, I told them I felt like they were missing the greatest piece of Christianity, the Holy Spirit. I explained how charming He is, how kind and patient. They weren't too interested, but to this day I pray those two young men went to home to look up what I was talking about. And if not, a seed was planted. At least a month ago I'd gone to the grocery store and when I returned my hubby said 'Oh, you missed it, some people came to the door wanting to talk about God'. I was like 'Were they Jehovah's Witnesses???' He looked at me like I was nuts and said he wasn't sure but they'd left a tract. You would've thought Christmas came early! Then he said he'd told them I'd probably love to talk with them and they could come back when they were in the area again. I kissed my hubby with joy and gratitude and waited.
Two weeks later a woman and her husband show up on my doorstep. Both children were at school and we chatted. I kept asking them about their faith trying to figure out what the differences were and I told them what I was trying to figure out. They kept trying to tell me how great their faith is, but I wasn't hearing them. I simply wanted to know what I was supposed to have feared all those years. I fully believe that I need to confront my fears with God or Satan will latch on to them. The wife left me with a little book, I'm sure you've seen them, and asked if she could return. Of course I said yes and they left but I was frustrated. Based on everything they'd said I couldn't figure out what was worth stashing the children away when they knock on doors. I decided I was going to do as much research as I could before they returned. I wanted to be prepared and knowledgeable. Can't you just hear God laughing? ;) I'd sought out information but wasn't getting any feedback, of course the doors were blocked, God just wanted me to come to Him. But I didn't. So today they came back again, it's been three weeks since we've tried to get together and something always came up. We talked for a very long time and about all kinds of things. We read the bible together and we challenged each other as to what specific scriptures were telling us. I reinterated that I wasn't changing my belief system, that it's the core of my being and I wasn't trying to change theirs, just understand it. I asked so many questions, I felt like my five year old. Then it happened. I had clarity. I heard the difference. I asked more questions and I felt bold with soldiers at my back. I knew they were there. There was no question of me backing down, I began talking about spiritual healing, prophecy and the POWER of the blood of Jesus. It was incredible. I was respectful and I'm prayerful even in this moment that these women who were raised Catholic, who know about Jesus and the trinity will go home and reflect on what came out of my mouth today. That they will seek answers to the questions that they had about me and why I'm different than them. I am on fire with a passion for them to know more about the power of God. Not just God, but all the parts of Him.
God did give me a Christmas present today. He let me know that He will equip me as I go. I can't say that this is new information to me, but something that I needed to be reminded of. He is everything that I need, I always love Him. Always. I have a spirit of gratitude and thank Him for anything and everything that comes to mind. But the level of respect I have for Him in this moment is incredible. I pray that I made Him proud.
I've not always been the person who wanted to invite the door knockers inside of my home. At one point in my early 20's I would say 'I'm a born again Christian, okay?' Obviously I wasn't very inviting and they'd leave politely. Then something happened. I was at church one day and overheard a man telling about all he'd learned about different faiths just by asking respectful questions. I had a 'why didn't I think of that??' kind of moment and I changed. Pretty incredible, but if you know me in person it would probably make sense. So shortly after I chatted with God about this change in heart I was blessed by two young Mormon guys who came to my door one day. I was so excited I couldn't stand to wait for them to knock!! I waited on the porch for them to walk up and we talked. It was an awesome conversation where I learned the differences in our faith/walks. When they left we said we'd pray for each other. Respectfully, I told them I felt like they were missing the greatest piece of Christianity, the Holy Spirit. I explained how charming He is, how kind and patient. They weren't too interested, but to this day I pray those two young men went to home to look up what I was talking about. And if not, a seed was planted. At least a month ago I'd gone to the grocery store and when I returned my hubby said 'Oh, you missed it, some people came to the door wanting to talk about God'. I was like 'Were they Jehovah's Witnesses???' He looked at me like I was nuts and said he wasn't sure but they'd left a tract. You would've thought Christmas came early! Then he said he'd told them I'd probably love to talk with them and they could come back when they were in the area again. I kissed my hubby with joy and gratitude and waited.
Two weeks later a woman and her husband show up on my doorstep. Both children were at school and we chatted. I kept asking them about their faith trying to figure out what the differences were and I told them what I was trying to figure out. They kept trying to tell me how great their faith is, but I wasn't hearing them. I simply wanted to know what I was supposed to have feared all those years. I fully believe that I need to confront my fears with God or Satan will latch on to them. The wife left me with a little book, I'm sure you've seen them, and asked if she could return. Of course I said yes and they left but I was frustrated. Based on everything they'd said I couldn't figure out what was worth stashing the children away when they knock on doors. I decided I was going to do as much research as I could before they returned. I wanted to be prepared and knowledgeable. Can't you just hear God laughing? ;) I'd sought out information but wasn't getting any feedback, of course the doors were blocked, God just wanted me to come to Him. But I didn't. So today they came back again, it's been three weeks since we've tried to get together and something always came up. We talked for a very long time and about all kinds of things. We read the bible together and we challenged each other as to what specific scriptures were telling us. I reinterated that I wasn't changing my belief system, that it's the core of my being and I wasn't trying to change theirs, just understand it. I asked so many questions, I felt like my five year old. Then it happened. I had clarity. I heard the difference. I asked more questions and I felt bold with soldiers at my back. I knew they were there. There was no question of me backing down, I began talking about spiritual healing, prophecy and the POWER of the blood of Jesus. It was incredible. I was respectful and I'm prayerful even in this moment that these women who were raised Catholic, who know about Jesus and the trinity will go home and reflect on what came out of my mouth today. That they will seek answers to the questions that they had about me and why I'm different than them. I am on fire with a passion for them to know more about the power of God. Not just God, but all the parts of Him.
God did give me a Christmas present today. He let me know that He will equip me as I go. I can't say that this is new information to me, but something that I needed to be reminded of. He is everything that I need, I always love Him. Always. I have a spirit of gratitude and thank Him for anything and everything that comes to mind. But the level of respect I have for Him in this moment is incredible. I pray that I made Him proud.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Quality Time
Today was a great day. I had to write that somewhere and ask you to be a witness to my day of joy. I had the pleasure of connecting with a few wonderful women in my life that I rarely get to talk with. And all of those conversations had God as the focus. My most favorite kind of days. If I could talk about God and the glorious things He has done in my life all day long that would be, well, Heaven. I guess I'll have to wait to experience that kind of never ending joy, but that I had a glimpse of it today simply *rocks*.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
WWF
It's been a mighty long time since I've written. I'd love to say I've been finding the cure to cancer or something profound, but truly I've been living a normal life... probably much like you. :) November was incredibly busy. I traveled or had guests every weekend that month. What may sound crazier is that I was in a blissful state. My sister and I took our daughters to NYC to do the American Girl thing. My daughter has always loved everything animal while my niece has always loved dolls and is very girly. My plan was to purchase a doll for my niece and if my daughter was interested I'd get her one, too. But she had to be really interested, not just wanted them for their pets if ya know what I mean. Well, it was quite the sight to see my girl fall in love with (drum roll, please) Felicity.
Another weekend we traveled to Philadelphia to visit a girlfriend and her daughter. It was a really, really nice day and it was difficult to leave after such a short visit. She is just one of those people that God has put in my life who is absolutely precious to me. We've been through a lot of spiritual growth together. She's one of the (literally) few people in my life that I can speak of deep spiritual matters with and in the same conversation talk about how great it would be if our husband's could listen to us like our girlfriends do.
In the midst of living some mighty great days, I've also had struggles. God has revealed to me another thing He is breaking me free from and I'm struggling with it. Even as I write that I wonder how on earth that is possible. The creator and lover of my soul wants to help me and I'm battling Him. I feel like I should be a WWF wrestler, ya know? But, to me this is a biggie. One of those relationships in my life that has defined me and I've given it too much authority in my life. I don't know what my new normal will be like when this is resolved. I know that resolution is coming, I have strong faith in that. I believe that He will finish the work He has started and that it wouldn't have been brought up if He didn't plan on changing it. I also know that He works all things out for my good. I can say without hesitation that I have the gift of faith in my walk with God.
Recently God has also been showering me with blessings. I'm pretty blown away by the enormity of how He displays His heart for me. That He loves me so much that He would allow me to truly have the desires of my heart, that no one but Him knows about. Then there's just plain out gratitude for the things that I have. For example I've got a dishwasher. A washing machine for my clothes and a dryer to dry the same clothes. It's 24* outside and my heat works very hard to keep my home comfortable. I'm really thankful for those things. Those and the tires on my truck. I'm acutely aware most of the time how helpful my tires are to me. I thank God for them all the time. That's the heart of me.
One day my friend I will share much more with great gusto all the great and kind things my Savior has done for me. The fact that He gave me the opportunity to have life everlasting with Him is incredible to me. But that He allows me to walk with Him here? Now? Seriously. I haven't the words to describe my gratitude.
Another weekend we traveled to Philadelphia to visit a girlfriend and her daughter. It was a really, really nice day and it was difficult to leave after such a short visit. She is just one of those people that God has put in my life who is absolutely precious to me. We've been through a lot of spiritual growth together. She's one of the (literally) few people in my life that I can speak of deep spiritual matters with and in the same conversation talk about how great it would be if our husband's could listen to us like our girlfriends do.
In the midst of living some mighty great days, I've also had struggles. God has revealed to me another thing He is breaking me free from and I'm struggling with it. Even as I write that I wonder how on earth that is possible. The creator and lover of my soul wants to help me and I'm battling Him. I feel like I should be a WWF wrestler, ya know? But, to me this is a biggie. One of those relationships in my life that has defined me and I've given it too much authority in my life. I don't know what my new normal will be like when this is resolved. I know that resolution is coming, I have strong faith in that. I believe that He will finish the work He has started and that it wouldn't have been brought up if He didn't plan on changing it. I also know that He works all things out for my good. I can say without hesitation that I have the gift of faith in my walk with God.
Recently God has also been showering me with blessings. I'm pretty blown away by the enormity of how He displays His heart for me. That He loves me so much that He would allow me to truly have the desires of my heart, that no one but Him knows about. Then there's just plain out gratitude for the things that I have. For example I've got a dishwasher. A washing machine for my clothes and a dryer to dry the same clothes. It's 24* outside and my heat works very hard to keep my home comfortable. I'm really thankful for those things. Those and the tires on my truck. I'm acutely aware most of the time how helpful my tires are to me. I thank God for them all the time. That's the heart of me.
One day my friend I will share much more with great gusto all the great and kind things my Savior has done for me. The fact that He gave me the opportunity to have life everlasting with Him is incredible to me. But that He allows me to walk with Him here? Now? Seriously. I haven't the words to describe my gratitude.
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