I've recently reconnected with a precious soul who was so close to me at one time she was in our small wedding. How we lost touch I'm not even sure. I've mentioned before how I never transitioned well from one season to another until recently and I think, sadly, she was one of the casualties of my ignorance. By grace she has let me into her life again and the relationship is such a treasure to me.
I'm not sure if she'll ever realize what she contributes to my life. I get to be myself with her and lose all of the titles. I'm not a wife, mom, PTA volunteer or Awana volunteer with her. She lets me just be myself and we talk. Sometimes about the deep things of relationships and other times the drama a workplace can bring. I'm so thankful for the forgiveness and grace that has been poured out on this relationship. I'm pretty sure that any relationship where God is allowed to be glorified is one that will stand the test of time.
Thursday, May 2, 2013
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Black Ice
There was a time when I would scream from the rooftops how much I adored my sweet Lord. I would publicly give praise for all the wonderful things He was doing in my life. Did I need witnesses to my walk? Was it youth? Passion? I'm not sure. But for years I acted like a new bride, eager to tell everyone about my beloved and how wonderful He was. I think it's safe to say that I felt like God's favorite princess, though honestly I still feel like we all could feel that way at any given moment. ;) I felt I could encourage anyone and really felt like it was a gift God gave me to any person who was hurting, it was incredible. Then while on my walk with God I hit some black ice. I was badly bruised and hurting and could not hear anyone try to encourage me. Because of my foundation of praise and worship, I still praised my Lord. My praises became quieter almost hushed, like an intimate conversation that I didn't want anyone else to hear. My worship was intense because only He knew what was happening within me. I would still scream my love to my Lord, but my walk became deeply personal. I don't share too much of my walk these days. I get that some of my experiences with the Holy Spirit are meant only for Him.
I feel like I've seen the other side of a bliss filled life and I can now see how Christians can hurt deeply. We can be absolutely in love with our Lord and still experience soul piercing loss. I have a friend who is close to my heart and she is hurting today. She just found out her father has 6-9 months to live. This same friend said difficult goodbyes to people she treasures recently. She will not see them again until our Father calls her home. And now she faces losing her earthly dad and she is questioning her Father in heaven. The good news is that He already has her in His mighty hand and He can take whatever she gives Him.
So in closing, if you find yourself looking for someone to laugh with, I'm your girl. There are few things I love more than a great belly laugh! But if you find yourself in pain or mourning a loss; be it a person to heaven, a relationship, a job or a dream, I can listen with compassion and understanding that wasn't there before. God is good and really does use all things for His glory. Oh I am still smitten with my beloved, but it is built on a foundation that has been torn down and rebuilt. I am a new creation and the great news is, so are you.
I feel like I've seen the other side of a bliss filled life and I can now see how Christians can hurt deeply. We can be absolutely in love with our Lord and still experience soul piercing loss. I have a friend who is close to my heart and she is hurting today. She just found out her father has 6-9 months to live. This same friend said difficult goodbyes to people she treasures recently. She will not see them again until our Father calls her home. And now she faces losing her earthly dad and she is questioning her Father in heaven. The good news is that He already has her in His mighty hand and He can take whatever she gives Him.
So in closing, if you find yourself looking for someone to laugh with, I'm your girl. There are few things I love more than a great belly laugh! But if you find yourself in pain or mourning a loss; be it a person to heaven, a relationship, a job or a dream, I can listen with compassion and understanding that wasn't there before. God is good and really does use all things for His glory. Oh I am still smitten with my beloved, but it is built on a foundation that has been torn down and rebuilt. I am a new creation and the great news is, so are you.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
The Sweet Spot
My husband gave me a gift this weekend and while I thank him for it I don't know if he gets what I'm thanking him for. For the first time in four years I went scrapbooking this weekend. It wasn't planned. I mentioned a crop that I was invited to attend on Friday evening, I think on Monday afternoon. On Friday as I was searching for and gathering my cropping tools and trying to figure out where I'd left off years ago I began to get excited. I used to crop with a group of ladies and I know how sweet it is to find women that share the same joy I have for paper crafting. As I was leaving on Friday evening I asked him if it would be okay with him if I returned to the crop on Saturday if I got my groove back. He said it wasn't a problem and I think it actually had him a little giddy for me. So the gift I referred to? He gave me back a piece of myself.
From 2002-2007 I had a scrapbooking room. My husband had purchased a large working station for me and I put it to good use. Many cute albums were put together in that room, if I do say so myself. ;) But in early 2007 my cropping slowed down. I had a two year old and a six month old and life got very busy, little did I know how much busier it was to get. 2008 brought my sister and her little love moving in with us after her husband abandoned them. They moved into the scrapbooking room and all of my tools and albums were put away. They shared life with us for two much busier years and then 2010 saw us move out of state. As much as I wanted to scrapbook I found myself not being in the right frame of mind to do so. But in 2012 after four moves in just a couple years we returned home and guess who got her scrapbooking room back? Yep. This girl.
When I got my hands in my son's baby album and began getting into my groove it was like I'd never been apart from it. I remembered where I'd left off and even saw how I'd set up or prepped a few layouts that I'd intended to do much sooner. But the pages were completed and that it the point. I find the same thing about myself and my relationship with God. Similar to my album, He waits for me, right where we left off.
From 2002-2007 I had a scrapbooking room. My husband had purchased a large working station for me and I put it to good use. Many cute albums were put together in that room, if I do say so myself. ;) But in early 2007 my cropping slowed down. I had a two year old and a six month old and life got very busy, little did I know how much busier it was to get. 2008 brought my sister and her little love moving in with us after her husband abandoned them. They moved into the scrapbooking room and all of my tools and albums were put away. They shared life with us for two much busier years and then 2010 saw us move out of state. As much as I wanted to scrapbook I found myself not being in the right frame of mind to do so. But in 2012 after four moves in just a couple years we returned home and guess who got her scrapbooking room back? Yep. This girl.
When I got my hands in my son's baby album and began getting into my groove it was like I'd never been apart from it. I remembered where I'd left off and even saw how I'd set up or prepped a few layouts that I'd intended to do much sooner. But the pages were completed and that it the point. I find the same thing about myself and my relationship with God. Similar to my album, He waits for me, right where we left off.
Friday, September 21, 2012
He used it.
I've sat under a few wonderful preachers/teachers in my adult life. My favorites have helped me by relating the bible to their personal walks. I recently read a teaching from Joseph Prince about being seasick when he was a sailor and his higher up told them to look on the horizon as opposed to the waves directly around them to settle their illness. He was relating it to our walks with Christ, kind of another 'forest through the trees' metaphor. I heard that spiritual lightbulb click on. We all have heard the metaphors but when I'm in a storm, it's near impossible to see past it. I remember in the depth of my storm trying desperately to focus on the passing of the storm. The healing from the storm takes a little longer, but that's another post for another day.
I knew in January that I would never wish my journey on anyone, but also knew that God would probably use my story for His glory and perhaps I'd get to share it one day with someone it could help.
On Wednesday evening at church, she found me. I had decided to sit in the prayer meeting while my kids were in Awana's. Normally I hide in the corners of the church for a couple hours, now don't go and judge me, I'm healing here. ;) I saw an old girlfriend sitting a couple rows back and was nearly embarrassed to say 'hello' to her because transition in my life has never been smooth for me... I had an awful habit of moving on and leaving treasured friends behind. Okay so that little bit of history explained... I sat with her, she was smiling though she had hurt in her eyes. I found myself desperate for the teaching to end so we could chat and catch up. She was not smooth in her delivery and I found I wasn't at ease, either. I said 'So, how are you?' and I sensed her hesitation so I interrupted and cynically said 'fine, right? Everyone is fine.'. She stared at me for a few seconds and said 'no, everything isn't fine.' and then came the heart. She starts mentioning some hurts she is experiencing with God and how she has been faithful to her bible, her church and her Lord, but it's not helping. Furthermore a lot of well intentioned girlfriends have told her to 'hold on' and it'll get better soon, but it's been 14 months since her world was rocked and it's not improved, yet. It was so hard to hear her heart, because I have been there, so recently and I got where she is. So I didn't tell her it's going to be better and I didn't even give her my favorite faith verses, which had been my favorite things to do when people were hurting before my stormy season. Instead I listened to her and finally when we were parting told her that I didn't know how her story would end, but because of where I've been I knew there would be a day when she would look at her situation with hindsight and see God's hand and provision. She would see His faithfulness and mercy over her and her family.
There are many scriptures that speak to my heart now that I wish I'd focused on then. One of them is Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
When I got home I wrote her a brief note and shared my journey learning about Job's faithfulness and how Job's walk with God transformed my heart. But what God shared with me is that He really does work all things out for His glory.
I knew in January that I would never wish my journey on anyone, but also knew that God would probably use my story for His glory and perhaps I'd get to share it one day with someone it could help.
On Wednesday evening at church, she found me. I had decided to sit in the prayer meeting while my kids were in Awana's. Normally I hide in the corners of the church for a couple hours, now don't go and judge me, I'm healing here. ;) I saw an old girlfriend sitting a couple rows back and was nearly embarrassed to say 'hello' to her because transition in my life has never been smooth for me... I had an awful habit of moving on and leaving treasured friends behind. Okay so that little bit of history explained... I sat with her, she was smiling though she had hurt in her eyes. I found myself desperate for the teaching to end so we could chat and catch up. She was not smooth in her delivery and I found I wasn't at ease, either. I said 'So, how are you?' and I sensed her hesitation so I interrupted and cynically said 'fine, right? Everyone is fine.'. She stared at me for a few seconds and said 'no, everything isn't fine.' and then came the heart. She starts mentioning some hurts she is experiencing with God and how she has been faithful to her bible, her church and her Lord, but it's not helping. Furthermore a lot of well intentioned girlfriends have told her to 'hold on' and it'll get better soon, but it's been 14 months since her world was rocked and it's not improved, yet. It was so hard to hear her heart, because I have been there, so recently and I got where she is. So I didn't tell her it's going to be better and I didn't even give her my favorite faith verses, which had been my favorite things to do when people were hurting before my stormy season. Instead I listened to her and finally when we were parting told her that I didn't know how her story would end, but because of where I've been I knew there would be a day when she would look at her situation with hindsight and see God's hand and provision. She would see His faithfulness and mercy over her and her family.
There are many scriptures that speak to my heart now that I wish I'd focused on then. One of them is Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
When I got home I wrote her a brief note and shared my journey learning about Job's faithfulness and how Job's walk with God transformed my heart. But what God shared with me is that He really does work all things out for His glory.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I have many drafts saved from over the summer but none were finished to post. So it's not that I've been avoiding you dear blog, perhaps just the emotions the bubble up as I begin to write. My heart is aching. Last month we began the process of returning to our family home that we left in 2010 for Steve's career opportunity in Maryland. There are so many emotions wrapped up in that one statement. I remember the conflicting feelings I felt as we were discussing moving, then meeting with packing companies and finally saying our 'goodbyes' to lifelong friends and family to go on a family adventure. Over the summer I was able to kinda stuff all of my emotions into a pit within myself that I didn't know I had. What's bringing on this heartache? Unpacking. I hit a brick wall yesterday and just stared at my boxes and paper. The memories of what I was experiencing when certain boxes were packed are brutal. No one knows what that was like for me except my Lord. I shared pieces of it with a few cherished girlfriends that God put in my life to hold my hand and at times, my heart.
It would be too easy for me to return to my house and put everything back exactly where it was. I've been through too much to put everything back in its former place. Can you relate to that? I don't want to put my pictures on the same walls, even in the same rooms. I've already changed a few things around and really like the way the house is coming together. I wonder if God feels the same way about this girl. I'm the same person, but a lot of change has taken place. God is the ultimate redecorator, but I think He calls it growth.
It would be too easy for me to return to my house and put everything back exactly where it was. I've been through too much to put everything back in its former place. Can you relate to that? I don't want to put my pictures on the same walls, even in the same rooms. I've already changed a few things around and really like the way the house is coming together. I wonder if God feels the same way about this girl. I'm the same person, but a lot of change has taken place. God is the ultimate redecorator, but I think He calls it growth.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Goodbye, Again.
I'm in Severna Park visiting a cherished friend and her family for a few days before their impending move to Kansas. I jokingly told her yesterday that I was glad I moved out of the area before she did. I would've been heartbroken. I wouldn't be exaggerating to say the majority of my wonderful memories about Severna Park have her in them. She helped me to discover the sweetness of the area. She was the one who showed me that the trail was more than for exercise but also as a convenient way (and fun) to get to the produce stand or Rita's. Heck, she introduced me to Rita's, haha! It's been a lovely visit and I won't look forward to saying goodbye to her again.
I did get to visit a sweet friend of mine yesterday and since we met at her home for coffee, I drove past our old house. I was so nervous, not knowing how I'd feel driving past 'my' driveway to get to her door. But may I say that it was fine. I learned that the house I saw so much promise in was also becoming a burden. I'm so thankful that the house sold and that it's no longer on my radar. So thankful. I'll leave Severna Park again tomorrow after visiting with some sweet friends from home group. I think I'll be ready to go this time, I won't freak out or be overcome with sadness as I drive out of town. I'm ready. Virginia Beach is home again, but Severna Park will always be a treasure to my soul. God really is always good, even if I don't acknowledge it right away.
I did get to visit a sweet friend of mine yesterday and since we met at her home for coffee, I drove past our old house. I was so nervous, not knowing how I'd feel driving past 'my' driveway to get to her door. But may I say that it was fine. I learned that the house I saw so much promise in was also becoming a burden. I'm so thankful that the house sold and that it's no longer on my radar. So thankful. I'll leave Severna Park again tomorrow after visiting with some sweet friends from home group. I think I'll be ready to go this time, I won't freak out or be overcome with sadness as I drive out of town. I'm ready. Virginia Beach is home again, but Severna Park will always be a treasure to my soul. God really is always good, even if I don't acknowledge it right away.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
My Simple Heart
For the last couple weeks I've been busy with the unpacking and nesting in our new home. It's beginning to feel more like a safe place to fall and it's growing on me. My heart still aches for the beautiful people that God has knitted into my heart from Maryland. I often feel many emotions at one time and find tears just run. On the flip side today I experienced a moment of pure joy that I've not felt in a long time. It was wonderful and I look forward to many more moments like that in the coming weeks. The door hasn't entirely closed for us in Severna Park. Our house was to go to settlement on March, 16th but the buyers had a change of heart and didn't make their appointment. It is back on the market and we are prayerful that God has the right family in mind for that precious neighborhood and house. I can be thankful for the family that didn't follow through on their commitment if only because they were the catalyst that allowed my family to be united.
In this season of difficulty and healing, I am thankful for the roof over our heads, the birdbath in my backyard and the music of wind chimes. Also I'm grateful for my daughter's smooth transition to a new school and my son's willingness to hang with Mommy while we are adapting to our new routine together. My husband is a different man. Not the weathered man I expected to see when we returned to Virginia, but a joyful and playful husband of years past that I have missed. I'm thankful for the changes in our marriage.
In August, just months before we faced this crisis in our lives, we attended a marriage semiar at church. It was incredible and I learned God was showing me how to support my husband, not just be his cheerleader. I didn't know what that looked like so you can imagine my wondering how it would be useful in our lives. I began looking for opportunities to support and serve my husband. Of course I believe I know now what He was preparing me/us for. I'm thankful for God's provision over our marriage, the act of telling me what my husband was going to need was a demonstration of His love for my husband.
God is always with me and His blessings are abundant. I'm in a time in my life where it's easy to focus on what I don't have or what hasn't been settled, but I know that God works ALL things out for my good. And I have to keep my eyes on Him or on my birdbath which is heaven to this girl's soul.
In this season of difficulty and healing, I am thankful for the roof over our heads, the birdbath in my backyard and the music of wind chimes. Also I'm grateful for my daughter's smooth transition to a new school and my son's willingness to hang with Mommy while we are adapting to our new routine together. My husband is a different man. Not the weathered man I expected to see when we returned to Virginia, but a joyful and playful husband of years past that I have missed. I'm thankful for the changes in our marriage.
In August, just months before we faced this crisis in our lives, we attended a marriage semiar at church. It was incredible and I learned God was showing me how to support my husband, not just be his cheerleader. I didn't know what that looked like so you can imagine my wondering how it would be useful in our lives. I began looking for opportunities to support and serve my husband. Of course I believe I know now what He was preparing me/us for. I'm thankful for God's provision over our marriage, the act of telling me what my husband was going to need was a demonstration of His love for my husband.
God is always with me and His blessings are abundant. I'm in a time in my life where it's easy to focus on what I don't have or what hasn't been settled, but I know that God works ALL things out for my good. And I have to keep my eyes on Him or on my birdbath which is heaven to this girl's soul.
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