Arrogant me.

My husband was laid off from his job earlier this month.  Ya know, the one that we moved up here for.  He's taken a position with a company in our hometown and will move ahead of the kids and I this coming weekend.  He'll visit every two weekends until the house sells and we'll skype, too.  I'm thankful for technology, I'm hopeful it'll make this process easier.  I'm so pissed over this whole thing.  I thought, I mean I *knew* that God was allowing us to make Severna Park our home.  I love the bike trail, the smalltown vibe, the roosters that I hear every morning and the funny cardinals that frequent my bird feeders.  There are things I don't particularly care for, too, but overall my heart has found joy here.  Joy I'd not known before when I lived in a larger city overrun with asphalt and streetlights.  What I now acknowledge is that I knew in my soul that this was a temporary home for us, not just the rental we were in last year, but Severna Park.  I thought if Steve and I bought a home up here then we'd have to stay.  That's really what I thought and what I acted on.  And God allowed us to follow through with that arrogant and prideful behavior.  Oh goodness.  How I need His help to get through this massive  mess we've created. 

So my heart doesn't have a lot of gratitude right now; it's more filled with fear, worry, regret, remorse and sometimes panic.  But I do have gratitude, I just have to look for my blessings.  We've had an incredible experience up here.  My love of piggies and all things farm has been firmly established in my heart.  My children are awesome kids.  We've put them through two moves with another one on the horizon and while they aren't happy about it, they get why we need to move again.  As Bridget (6yo) put it, 'So we have to find someone to buy our house so we can move to Virginia to be with Daddy, right?  And there's nothing more important than family'.  I just stared at her and finally replied with a yes. :) There is beauty through this whole thing if I keep my eyes fixed on God.  Oh I pray I can keep my eyes fixed on God.