He used it.

I've sat under a few wonderful preachers/teachers in my adult life.  My favorites have helped me by relating the bible to their personal walks.  I recently read a teaching from Joseph Prince about being seasick when he was a sailor and his higher up told them to look on the horizon as opposed to the waves directly around them to settle their illness.  He was relating it to our walks with Christ, kind of another 'forest through the trees' metaphor.  I heard that spiritual lightbulb click on.  We all have heard the metaphors but when I'm in a storm, it's near impossible to see past it.  I remember in the depth of my storm trying desperately to focus on the passing of the storm.  The healing from the storm takes a little longer, but that's another post for another day. 

I knew in January that I would never wish my journey on anyone, but also knew that God would probably use my story for His glory and perhaps I'd get to share it one day with someone it could help. 

On Wednesday evening at church, she found me. I had decided to sit in the prayer meeting while my kids were in Awana's.  Normally I hide in the corners of the church for a couple hours, now don't go and judge me, I'm healing here. ;) I saw an old girlfriend sitting a couple rows back and was nearly embarrassed to say 'hello' to her because transition in my life has never been smooth for me... I had an awful habit of moving on and leaving treasured friends behind.  Okay so that little bit of history explained... I sat with her, she was smiling though she had hurt in her eyes.  I found myself desperate for the teaching to end so we could chat and catch up.  She was not smooth in her delivery and I found I wasn't at ease, either.  I said 'So, how are you?' and I sensed her hesitation so I interrupted and cynically said 'fine, right?  Everyone is fine.'.  She stared at me for a few seconds and said 'no, everything isn't fine.' and then came the heart.  She starts mentioning some hurts she is experiencing with God and how she has been faithful to her bible, her church and her Lord, but it's not helping.  Furthermore a lot of well intentioned girlfriends have told her to 'hold on' and it'll get better soon, but it's been 14 months since her world was rocked and it's not improved, yet.  It was so hard to hear her heart, because I have been there, so recently and I got where she is.  So I didn't tell her it's going to be better and I didn't even give her my favorite faith verses, which had been my favorite things to do when people were hurting before my stormy season.  Instead I listened to her and finally when we were parting told her that I didn't know how her story would end, but because of where I've been I knew there would be a day when she would look at her situation with hindsight and see God's hand and provision.  She would see His faithfulness and mercy over her and her family. 

There are many scriptures that speak to my heart now that I wish I'd focused on then.  One of them is Romans 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 

When I got home I wrote her a brief note and shared my journey learning about Job's faithfulness and how Job's walk with God transformed my heart.  But what God shared with me is that He really does work all things out for His glory. 

I have many drafts saved from over the summer but none were finished to post.  So it's not that I've been avoiding you dear blog, perhaps just the emotions the bubble up as I begin to write.  My heart is aching.  Last month we began the process of returning to our family home that we left in 2010 for Steve's career opportunity in Maryland.  There are so many emotions wrapped up in that one statement.  I remember the conflicting feelings I felt as we were discussing moving, then meeting with packing companies and finally saying our 'goodbyes' to lifelong friends and family to go on a family adventure.  Over the summer I was able to kinda stuff all of my emotions into a pit within myself that I didn't know I had. What's bringing on this heartache?  Unpacking.  I hit a brick wall yesterday and just stared at my boxes and paper.  The memories of what I was experiencing when certain boxes were packed are brutal.  No one knows what that was like for me except my Lord.  I shared pieces of it with a few cherished girlfriends that God put in my life to hold my hand and at times, my heart.

It would be too easy for me to return to my house and put everything back exactly where it was.  I've been through too much to put everything back in its former place.  Can you relate to that?  I don't want to put my pictures on the same walls, even in the same rooms.  I've already changed a few things around and really like the way the house is coming together.  I wonder if God feels the same way about this girl.  I'm the same person, but a lot of change has taken place.  God is the ultimate redecorator, but I think He calls it growth.